tea with a stranger

A few days ago, I was in a cafe by my house studying when a group of teenagers came in and chattered for some time about their stresses: school, church, track, college apps, social status. The slang was new but the stresses they expressed, though none of my business, left me in a state of remembrance for the rest of the day. It has been so long since those were my struggles, and I realized the same issues which once grasped me with equal intensity are over now.

I graduated with my undergraduate degree last month, cross country and track are memories from long ago, and CommonApp is no longer something I have to contend with. I suppose questions about social standing still linger but definitely not in the weighty sense I felt at their age. “At their age”… am I a “back in my day” person now? Yes, I suppose so.

I am now… older. Mature? Somewhat, could be more so. Mature enough to have advice for my younger self uncertain of what her university years ahead would hold for her.

If going back and giving insight was an option, I would say that there is nothing possible to predict from an external point of view. I couldn’t have known about coronavirus and its complications nor the almost mythical appearance of my scholarship even if I had prepared. So, focus on what you can keep within your control regardless of circumstances: study habits, your health, upkeep of many hobbies.

Hobbies’ importance, I can’t stress enough. Side quests have always kept my spirits up when studying got tough or tedious. It is also surprisingly easy to lose a distinctive sense of self and personality without things to do aside from your “main thing.” Both personally and socially, selfhood is important. What makes you you? What makes you happy? These are questions that robots can’t answer.

I would also tell my younger self to worry less. It hurts to first realize this but then it is freeing: most of the people you meet in life will not be your friends in a meaningful sense, and even with the blessing of beautiful friendships, you will spend very significant portions of your life to come quite alone. So spend more time and energy taking comfort in the relationship you have with yourself in solitude. The more at peace you are within yourself, the more that peace will translate interpersonally.

And the last thing I would say is to trust in the universe a little, as esoteric and yielding as that may seem. Childhood and adolescence were times of intense stress for me. Even though I technically experience more stressors now, I don’t process them as nearly as threatening. I’m certainly not going home crying over A- grades and my future the way I used to. I don’t necessarily believe that good things come our way without effort, but in order to wake in the morning and sleep at night, one needs to believe in a certain level of continuity that transcends our contributions. The sun at the beginning of the day and the moon at the end. The comfort of having places to go home to, literally or spiritually. A sense that things will be okay, even if the reality is maybe they won’t be. It’s the sense that matters.

Because the people in the cafe know no better than I do or anyone what lies ahead. We have now, and we might as well enjoy it, no? With a cup of tea at hand and notebooks of thoughts of substance.